Seven guys you’ll likely come across when Tindering in London

The Six Pack Selfie

This profile calls for an immediate left swipe. Tinder, please introduce a filter so we can save precious time left swiping headless profile pics. Selfies of your abs? Seriously?

 

The Rebound

Tindering can feel like you’re online underwear shopping for your non-existent beau, when HELLO you finally find yourself a smiley face. But he loses you at the bio: ‘Just got out of a long-term relationship, no drama please’. His profile now screams rebound sex. OK, it’s tempting after your hellish commute — but nope.

 

The Lookalike Obsessed

Bio reads: ‘If you look like ***** (insert obscure Z-lister) you’re my girl’. OK, so he doesn’t believe ‘love is blind’ OR he’s not on Tinder for love. You left swipe — but not before you Google said dream girl. Coincidentally you do look a lot like the Z-lister he’s been compulsively masturbating over the last two years.

 

The Shiny Advertisement

AKA wannabe model — apparently he’s hoping he’ll match with a casting agent. That, or he has very low self-esteem — he feels the need to flash his very expensive watch to distract you from his face. He’s got more chance of being signed by an agent on Tinder than getting a date.

 

The Unadventurous Traveller 

‘In London for a week — looking for a drinking partner’. This guy has a lot to learn about Londoners — we don’t spend our f**k budget lightly. AND it’s going to take a week of chat up text, before we manage to arrange a meet up AT THE VERY LEAST.

 

The Player

FINALLY a profile which doesn’t look like an advert for a very expensive watch, Calvin Klein boxers, or protein powder — IT’S A MATCH. All seems normal before he asks if you want to move to FB chat. Clearly he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t start flirting with a common connection of yours. You decline, and the conversation dwindles.

 

The Snapchat Sexter

You were considering a date until he became preoccupied with you sending him selfies. Apparently five Tinder pics and a WhatsApp pic isn’t enough — a selfie is ‘different’. You retort: ‘too right it’s different — if you want to see a distorted snapshot of my face!’. You delete the app in a rage. One week later you’re back on — ever the optimist.

 


 

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